Coming to a wavier wire near you...

...Rick Ankiel.

1. If you didn't know it already, Rick Ankiel has officially retired from pitching, and switched to outfield.

2. If you didn't know it already, Slippery Rick is out of options. i.e. Ricky has to clear waivers to be able to be sent back down.

3. If you didn't know it already, there is lots of talk about Rick being the answer to our "aging" outfield. Get over it. The kid hit well...in "A" ball. He's a great hitting pitcher, but not good enough to eat up a roster spot when he ain't pitching. I really like the guy, but I don't quite understand the facination with him--to the point where people think that he's going to make the team with his lumber.

4. This is a conversation between Ankielites and Cardinal's skipper Tony La Russa.
Tony: Ankiel has officially retired from pitching.
Ankielites: (Weeping and Gnashing of teeth)
Tony: But he's going try to be an outfielder.
Ankielites: (Hallelujah Chorus)
Tony: But the chances don't look good for him making the team.
Ankielites: Chances don't look good? Not good as in one in a hundred?"
Tony: More like one in a million.
Ankielites: So you're tellin' us there's a chance!!! Yesssss!

5. Apparently I have to say something. But is anyone out there about as sick and tired of Bernie Miklasz as I am? In a post in his column on Wed. Ole Weekend Bernie ripped the Cardinals for "babying" Ankiel. While this is true to a certain extent, does he honestly think that Ankiel will make the team? Maybe he missed La Russa's quote concerning the dramatic turn of events."La Russa conceded there will be few, if any, at-bats for Ankiel during the team's exhibition schedule. 'I can't give them to him because he's not going to make our team.'" La Russa said. (Courtesy of St. Louis Post-dispatch). Regardless, of whether he saw the quote or not, his ranting on the subject is too much. ("Don't read him then!" my wife says as I yell at the computer screen). Its as bad as another recent article of his on how "Injuries, or the lack thereof is the key, for the Cardinals." What team is this not true of? Seriously, name one? How about a post about something original/informational/factual! But I digress...

6. I started thinking that this might be a bluff on the part of the Cardinals in order to see if they could squeeze Ricky through waivers. I have heard a rumour about a team(s) that might call the bluff. That's all I can say on the matter. (I feel so important saying that!) I will not reveal "deep-throat." (all of a sudden I get lots of hits from porn junkies) Digressing again...but then I saw that Scott Boras, Rick's agent, was informing all the teams that RICK WILL NOT PITCH FOR ANYONE. Which gave credance to the idea that this was not some desperate attempt to keep the "golden project" just a little bit longer. OR it is an even more elaborate attempt to keep the birdies on his chest. (and there was great rejoicing from the Ankielites).

7. Looks like what this does do, here comes the silver lining....wait for it....a quality lefty minus the demons will get a better shot. Myers and Flores--among others.

8. Looks like Rick had a good outting in--batting practice on Thursday. I can see the Ankielites begin to salivate now.

9. In REAL news Walker should be back to start in a Spring game.

10. "Stay home and eat all the freakin' chips, Kip."

"Napoleon, don't be jealous that I've been chatting online with babes all day. Besides, we both know that I'm training to be a cage fighter. "

"Since when, Kip? You have the worst reflexes of all time."

-CJ